I'm laying in your front yard are you home
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
