I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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