I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
