I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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