I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
