My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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