He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
