God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
