you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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