I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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