she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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