Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
