What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
