hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
