i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
