a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
