well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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