it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
