Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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