im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
