Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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