is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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