there's paper in my vomit.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
