Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
