I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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