Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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