I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
