I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
