Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
