He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
