my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
