I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
organizing the empties. That sober.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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