idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
