just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
