He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
