his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
