omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
