I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
