Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
