just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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