i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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