i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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