I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
