my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
