From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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