1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
