You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You're like the curious george of whores
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
