you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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