Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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