Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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