Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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